Gratitude

Yesterday I had a birthday. I haven't exactly figured out how old I am... I just know that I'm older than I was. But the interesting side effect of this was I got Happy Birthday messages from all over the world. I had them from family, friends, colleagues, folks from the EPIK program. Most people who know me say I'm pretty laid back, not much phases me. Some how last night after getting home from a nice dinner with an old friend who happens to also be here... it hit me. I am damn lucky to have the life I do. I really never thought about how I impact the people around me much, I've always just tried to live my life and not hurt others.
So now that I'm so far away from my home. I'm really realizing how lucky I am to have the friends I do. I know that some of them will still be there for me when I get back after this adventure. I am incredibly grateful for the out pouring of love and friendship that accompanied my departure from Atlanta. I miss those people everyday. When I hear that someone is going to see a musician play, or that they ran into others at a restaurant. I have a little twinge that I wish I'd been there. Then I look around at where I am and what I'm doing and go... yeah that would be good too, but look where I am.
I know that if people had really started to question me I might not have been able to do this. But they knew somehow on some level that this is what I needed to do. I needed to pick up and go. I needed and still do need to stretch myself and see what I can really do. I know you don't get the strength to do these things alone. It comes from others and from inside.

I'm really thankful for those people in my life who tell me they are proud of me, or that I've inspired them, or who just show up to support me in little ways. Those are the people that make me realize that I am really lucky to have the life I do.
Someone asked me once would I rather write my suicide note or an obituary. I said instantaneously I'm writing my obituary every day... and it's going to be a good one. I may not have lots of fancy degrees, or big prizes with titles, but I do have something much more valuable to me. I have friends and family who I hope can say they are proud of how I've lived my life and I took every chance I was given to really live this life.

I'm taking those chances and opportunities every day. Do they cost me? Yeah... they do. I've got friendships that I'm missing. Chances for love that I've had to pass up. Possible advancement in my career which has been put on hold. But then I sit here and think about where I was standing on Monday and think that if I'd let those costs and worries keep me at home... the cost would have been greater. Not many people get the chance to live overseas for a year, hike up mountains on a late summer day, and stand in a courtyard and just be in awe of the world around them. I likened my response when I got to the top of the stairs and turned and saw the courtyard with it's huge stone Buddha and carvings to my response when I saw the Grand Canyon in person for the first time. It was just awe and wonder... and knowing here is where I am supposed to be right now. Take it all in and savor it. Those moments don't come often, but when they do... you just have to hold on tight.

I'm lucky and thankful these days... and I know it. It's a great place to be.