Family... and ramblings.

Something I haven't really addressed here in Korea is the lack of Family. I'm not talking about Mom, Dad, Brother, Grandmom, type. I'm talking about Lesbians, Gay boys, Leather, Musicians, and all of the beautiful people who made up my family and daily life in Atlanta. While I have friends and people that I know. It's not Family. I have kind of given up on finding a family here and I'm fine with that.
I went on a date of a sort on Friday. It didn't go well which is I guess to be expected when it's someone who is confused and scared about what they are. Does it mean I'm giving up on them no. I remember the whole period when I was figuring things out. It wasn't easy. I had a guy who was just waiting for the right minute to pop the question and get me to marry him and settle down and have babies, but something was missing. He was far away and I went to a couple of concerts and saw all the lesbians around me and started going...that's really interesting. I started feeling confused about who I was attracted to. Then I planned a trip to follow a musician I hid my feelings about who I was attracted to from the people I was going to meet. This was a chance I was away from people who knew me and would judge me I feared. The first day of that trip I was standing in the rain and met someone. As she walked away to do something. I actually watched her. I watched her glance back at me and grin as we both got caught. In that moment my small confusion with lots of questions exploded. I was like oh shit! I just checked out a girl and I'm attracted to her. That woman and I after lots of starts and stops where she helped me overcome my fears, sometimes pushing too hard for things that were where she was at the time, was my first for lots of things. Not everyone can have that magical moment. I remember it vividly. Post Indigo Girls show, dinner at the Vortex, going back to her place and siting and talking. All it took was her asking permission to kiss me and my world went from fuzzy and confused to vividly clear. By the end of that weekend trip, I was out to myself at least as bi. I knew there was no going back to straight. I loved girls. I remember feeling bad as I vaguely skirted issues as I made trip after trip to Atlanta to date her. I hated not being honest with my parents. But I was scared out of my mind as to what would happen if they found out my secret. Would they disown me? Would they say I was going to hell? Would I get kicked out of the family? So I kept quiet. I built a small family in Augusta where I was living of people who if my parents found out were willing to take me in till I finished my teaching degree. I had a net there to catch me.
After I graduated I moved to Atlanta in August... by October I was out to my family. I was also laying the foundations for my current family. The people who stand by me to this day, five years later. Was it easy to come out to any of them, no. Was it worth it? Yes. Was it easy or helpful to my profession to be out? Nope. I'm sure it hurt my chances of promotion many times. I'm very proud of who I am but it wasn't easy to get here. I'm still working on growing in to myself. That's one of the things I've learned since I've been here in Korea. I can be me. I can be myself but not everyone needs to see all of me. I stood around last night hearing Expat, university teachers talk about how they feel bad for the gay boys in their classrooms because in less than a year many of them will have to go for the mandatory Army service. They worry that they will be eaten alive. Only one person in the conversation knew I was gay. I didn't feel a need to change that. It was probably the most honest conversation I've heard about how Koreans view homosexuals since I've been here.
I feel for anyone coming out anywhere. I know I was lucky to come out into a community. I can't imagine coming out where there isn't one and it's viewed so harshly by most people. That being said, I also can't see my life any other way.

I've tried to live my life by several simple guides.
1. If you aren't going to be able to look back on what you do with out regret. Change it.
2. Don't inflict hurt, intentionally.
3. Try to be right where you are. (this one is one I'm working on everyday.)
4. Give back the gifts you have been given.

They aren't easy, they don't give me a lot of options sometimes. The last one has guided my life for almost 15 years. Right now it's telling me to be patient, kind, don't push, walk as an example, not an easy task. But I've been given alot in my life and I have to pass it on, be it knowledge, experiance, kindness, acceptance.
Ok I've rambled enough and now I need to go take a shower in my freezing cold bathroom and then think about lesson plans for the week.

Credit where it is due.

So sometimes you just have to suck it up and give credit where it is due. I like to think sometimes that American teachers are as good as Korean ones and can do anything they can do. But today I know I would never have seen what I saw in an American school. The school was packed with parents and somehow between the time I left yesterday and when I got to school at 8am this moring the school had been transformed. It was decorated and the students art work was displayed through the hallways. Then the classrooms had been cleared of most of the desks so there was room for the talent preformances. I saw every student in every classroom was preforming. I spent the morning running up and down the halls taking pictures of my students and watching them show off. Unlike Talent shows and such in the US this was every single room at the same time so I had to keep moving to see alot of my students. (one drawback to teaching all students in grades 1-6).


By 11:20 things were winding down. There were songpeyon or rice cakes and yourgurt drinks and tangerines for everyone. The kids also were given boquets of suckers and flowers and pens with little clown heads on them. The kids then took those apart and were sharing them with their friends. As I was going around taking pictures with my students and of the teachers I work with, I was amazed.

I also kept getting suckers and such handed to me. One parent gave me a whole Dove chocolate bar with Almonds. By the time Miss Kim and I left the English center again to go downstairs for lunch the school had been transformed back to its usual state. Desks had been placed back in classrooms, decorations were taken down, students were getting organized for lunch and to then go home. So in less than an hour they had the whole school cleaned up.
As much as I respect and love the teachers and schools I've worked with before this was honestly amazing. I think it has something to do with the culture here. Students work hard and play hard. They also both love and fear their teachers. It's not unusual to see students hanging off teachers here and staying late working on things if they are not going to an academy (or Hagwon). I get the same treatment now. My students come in and hang out. They just want to talk and practice English. They also know when I give them a look in class they have to listen and they know how to behave.
I watched three boys get disicplined today... by a teacher for playing on the stairwell. Less than 10 minutes later they were telling how beautiful she is. It's typical here. I'm getting used to my students telling me they love me, and I'm very beautiful... I've had to let my cynicism go and not think they are just doing it to get candy or stickers from me. It's that's what they know as how to express how they feel about me in English. It's pretty cool.
I've got to wrap this up... my after school students will be here in a minute and I want to have things ready for them. I'll try to post pictures up on flickr in the next day or so (but I did take 200 pictures this morning.)

Dr. Fish Daegu... or I'd never thought I'd do that.

Last week I got dragged downtown for dinner on Thursday night. My plans of a quiet night in with an early bedtime after a busy week at school were spoiled by a friend saying the magic words... Papa Johns.... pizza, real cheese... no pickles on the pizza. Yes... it takes very little somedays. So off I headed in the freezing cold with hat, scarf, polarfleece buff, winter coat, wool socks... the layered look is very in with the expats right now cause it's cold. Not like a chilly ATL morning where an extra sweater will make the trip to school ok cold. But a it's below freezing the wind is blowing I'm walking between bus stops and subways cold. I got downtown had my pizza warmed up and started to feel more human and decided to make Jamari go with me to find the Doctor Fish place I'd seen once before. After wandering all over we found it and in doing so I've found a place I'd love to hang out much much more. It reminded me in some ways of the feel of Java monkey, just with no wine and music, but tubs of fish who will eat the dead skin off your feet.
I've been back once already will probably bring my co teacher down sometime... pictures will be posted soon. But now I have to go see the Art/ Talent show going on in the school today.

Billy Joel in Seoul

Saturday evening after doing the sardine can thing of riding the subway in Seoul and trying to figure out where in the spaghetti pile of lines we were trying to head. Lesley and I arrived at Olympic Park. If you ever wonder what happens to all of those buildings post Olympics I got a little peak this weekend. They become venues for concerts, showcases and big halls that people have to fill to pay the upkeep. Lesley went and got the tickets I perused the merch cause how many times in your life are you going to go see someone play over seas where when you're back home someone can go hey nice t-shirt, and your answer can be yeah saw him in Seoul, was a good show.
After that was all taken care of and I grabbed some photos of the skylights and a few funny signs we walked into Gymnasium 1. Thank god for all the English being taught here we had a very nice teenager look at our tickets and point us in the right direction. I took some time studying it and figured out what was probably section, seat, etc. After one snafu we found our correct seats and settled in for some people watching, well I did Lesley decided to chatter away incessantly about how this was her first concert ever (um... WTF! 24 never been to a concert?) [side note: Any interest I had in her is now gone and I will be trying to avoid her in the future. Just don't feel like having to babysit someone all the time.]
I realized that the crowd was two main groups Korean business men trying to impress Western business men and GI's who had leave from the bases. It made people watching fun. Billy played for about 2 hours no opener. At one point people rushed the stage and a few songs later when the Korean security tried to get them to sit down Billy stopped playing in the middle of the song and got up asked "What the fuck is going on here, Let them stay, let them stay!" The crowd got to stay near the stage. He then just started up in right where he'd left off.
I also saw a probably between 40-50 yr old Korean woman in a leopard coat just having the time of her life in stilettos dancing against the railing at one point.
Overall the show was fun. My trip to Seoul was ok. I will go up there again, but by myself without others that I end up taking care of cause that was the downer part of the trip.

Interesting Saturday Evening

I knew that I had to have some sort of fun plans waiting for me on Saturday if I wanted to not go crazy with wishing I was other places. So I emailed a few of the "No Drama" club and asked if they were up for some 007 goodness at the CGV Imax in the Lotte Department store. I managed to gather Monique, Micheal and Jamari. I spent part of the day going to Emart and getting a few things I needed. I've now got a humidifier and I looked at video cameras. I also got some Americanish food, notably chicken and rice soup.

I headed downtown a little early which ment I missed calls from JP on skype (darn it!) but I got to look at more cameras at the pixdix in the basement and sniff at the wafting smells of Krispy Kreme. I took the escalator up to the floor the theater is on. I had about 15 more minutes till we were to meet so I walked over to the arcade and had some fun playing Pirates of the Caribbean pinball. Jamari thinks I play pinball a little too well. I pretty much had cleared the machine on Thursday when we'd met to play video games. I wasn't as good with my first 500won coin. By my second I was kicking butt and taking names.
After that I grabbed coffee at one of the many coffee shops on my way to the theater where I figured out I was on time and everyone else was running about 20 minutes late.
We managed to get tickets for the 4 of us to see 007 Quantum of Solace in the typical Korean way of assigned seating and then wait for your turn to file into the theater. It was a good Bond movie... I think Casino Royale's opening was better but that's just me. Afterward we were all craving pizza so we went to the Papa johns in town. Pizza, cheese sticks, chicken strips, and a pitcher of soda for the 4 of us was 32,000 won (so about $25).
Monique and Micheal and Jamari started a Krispy Kreme craving so we had to go there. While we were there Jamari blabbed that I hadn't been to a norebang yet so... have donuts will travel. 2 hours in the Norebang my cherry was fully popped and I scored two 100's and a 96. Yes the computer scores your singing.

After I went and found Jody and hung out at That for a little while. I was home by 3am or so.

Obama overseas.

Last night I was riding in a taxi back from Manchon where I got off the subway. I'd been planning on taking the bus home but due to the temprature and the hour of the evening I decided to just grab a taxi. I got in a waiting cab and managed to give the driver directions in Korean. As I was riding through the night and looking out at the fall leaves in the dark and High school students in their uniforms coming home from cram academies at 10pm I started to hear words I recoginized on the radio.
It was KBS talking about Obama's victory. They were playing some audio clips of his speech in Grant park. I got a little teary eyed. The face of the US abroad was changing... and it was changing for the better. I may not be entirely sure but I'd much rather have him as the face of where I'm from over the shrub. The story then went on to have clips of Michelle Obama talking. It was a moment. I was proud of being an American. I'm not sure what the reporters were saying in Korean... but I do know the tone sounded promising and hopeful. I think it will just boil down to lets see what happens from here. I'm sure things will be skewed by the Korean media... but that's nothing new here.
Then as I walked up the hill from where I got the taxi to drop me in the cold fall night... I realized I was a long way from home.

Halloween in Korea