Brain purge

Two years ago I left a perfectly good life behind. I was burnt out and didn't feel like I was giving what my students deserved from me in the classroom anymore. I didn't get to that point over night. I haven't recovered from it overnight either. Last weekend, one of my friends here got me to drop my walls for the first time in a long time I let them all down. She saw a glimpse of my passion for working with under privileged youth. She saw that in me there is still a calling to work with students and connect with them on a human level. Not just as a student and a teacher.

I've asked three friends back home who I would consider family to do one thing for me since October. Not one of them has come through. Adding that to a few other things that have happened and you get me sitting on the far side of the world feeling like I've lost my family that I thought would be there for me through anything.

Two people have asked me today if I'm excited to go home in August. Honestly, I'm home now. The people and places that I would have been excited to see a year ago I have no desire to see this year. I'll be in the US at my parents new home. But honestly my home is here in Korea now. Home is not so much a place as where the people you love and who love you are. The ones I trust to be there for me and love at this point are all here.

Things have been changing subtly for me over the last year. Now that I look back on it I'm seeing a much bigger picture of change. It shows how it's all different. My past still is part of the building blocks that form me but the reality is that I'm reforming in a new land that I didn't get the instruction manual for. I've had to use all the tools I learned to use and gathered in my past to try and survive. It's not easy and I'm still baffled by things on a daily basis. However I love it. The challenge to keep going and growing makes me feel alive.