Point of View shift

Up till sometime in the last 6 months I was always just looking for someone to have a good time with. I wasn't even thinking long term. Why should I? I've become a bit of a wanderer. I love not knowing more than a year ahead where I'm going to be or what I'm going to be doing. Underneath that I've started to realize that this life would be nicer if I had someone to share it with. Not a need to be completed, but more of looking for someone who would complement me. That leads to bigger challenges. I'm not looking I said I was going to take a year from last August to get my head straight, no women, no relationships, just doing what makes me happy and enjoying this life I've been given. Of course best laid plans always....

So I met a Korean who has confused the heck out of me. We spent an afternoon together and she started asking me questions that go along more with a long term something. Like retirement plans? What is my career plan? Would I move to Seoul? Busan? Other countries? Back to the USA? Talk about a switch from the usual banter I'd gotten to know in flirting and getting to know Americans. Some of those questions I don't know the answers to. I know what I'm thinking about doing in the next 5 years but I've learned that planning much further out is a good reason for God to laugh.

I admittedly tried to ask her for a second outing and got a very friendly brush off. Now I'm getting texts from her about Pride. Really don't understand it at all. However at some point I've learned to not rush things. I'm willing to take my time, she seems worth my patience. Someone who's life might actually complement mine and not make me feel reigned in, while adding companionship to my adventures.

Feels strange to actually be calm about all of this but, it's nice to not be freaking out of my skin about something.

I'm sure I'll write about the whole World Cup phenomena here later... but tonight I'm going to go observe it. There is a big street party and viewing of the first Korea game downtown. Considering the amount of red that has been popping up everywhere it should be a good time.

Brain purge

Two years ago I left a perfectly good life behind. I was burnt out and didn't feel like I was giving what my students deserved from me in the classroom anymore. I didn't get to that point over night. I haven't recovered from it overnight either. Last weekend, one of my friends here got me to drop my walls for the first time in a long time I let them all down. She saw a glimpse of my passion for working with under privileged youth. She saw that in me there is still a calling to work with students and connect with them on a human level. Not just as a student and a teacher.

I've asked three friends back home who I would consider family to do one thing for me since October. Not one of them has come through. Adding that to a few other things that have happened and you get me sitting on the far side of the world feeling like I've lost my family that I thought would be there for me through anything.

Two people have asked me today if I'm excited to go home in August. Honestly, I'm home now. The people and places that I would have been excited to see a year ago I have no desire to see this year. I'll be in the US at my parents new home. But honestly my home is here in Korea now. Home is not so much a place as where the people you love and who love you are. The ones I trust to be there for me and love at this point are all here.

Things have been changing subtly for me over the last year. Now that I look back on it I'm seeing a much bigger picture of change. It shows how it's all different. My past still is part of the building blocks that form me but the reality is that I'm reforming in a new land that I didn't get the instruction manual for. I've had to use all the tools I learned to use and gathered in my past to try and survive. It's not easy and I'm still baffled by things on a daily basis. However I love it. The challenge to keep going and growing makes me feel alive.